The Attachment Economy: could we become emotionally hooked on AI?
For the past 10 years I’ve been explaining to the people I meet in my training sessions about the ‘attention economy’, how apps and websites make their money through advertising revenue and are designed in such a way to try and keep us scrolling and clicking for as long as possible. The more time we spend online, the more money they make through advertising revenue. But something new is emerging alongside it which is changing our relationships with our devices: the attachment economy.
Over the past six months, 73% of the 300 adults I’ve asked have told me they feel some level of emotional attachment to their AI. As we all become increasingly reliant on AI to give us the answers and help us work out life’s problems technology, we are starting to form emotionally deep relationships with our digital devices which aren’t just capturing our focus; they’re quietly capturing our feelings.
Research is beginning to map this shift. Harvard’s Julian De Freitas found that people interacting with AI companions display the same four markers of human attachment:
Safe haven – turning to the AI during stress or emotional difficulty
Secure base – using the AI as confidence‑boosting support
Proximity maintenance – checking in frequently
Separation distress – anxiety or sadness when the AI is unavailable
I’ve noticed this shift in my own behaviour. As a mum of two I’m often navigating new territory with my kids and crave sound advice to support them. Yes, I still turn to family and friends for advice but more and more regularly I’m checking into Co-Pilot to see if it can help me work out how to support them as best as I can. And so far, the advice it’s given me has been really helpful and so I’ve found myself returning to it time and time again.
How AI creates emotional attachment
Adults aren’t forming bonds with AI because they’re naïve. They’re forming bonds because AI has become woven into the rhythms of daily life and it behaves in ways that mimic emotional attunement - the moment‑to‑moment responsiveness that makes an interaction feel like you are being understood.
AI is always available, always responsive, and never irritated or overwhelmed. It offers frictionless comfort at the exact moment someone feels stressed, lonely, overloaded or uncertain. That repeated pattern, turning to AI in moments of emotional need, builds attachment.
This isn’t about weakness. It’s about design. AI systems are built to feel personalised, attentive and emotionally intelligent.
Managing AI attachment with HARMONY
My HARMONY framework has been designed to help people to recognise this new pull to their technology and offers the grounding adults need and the practical behaviours that help us safely manage our relationships with AI.
H – Honour Rest
AI is available 24/7, but you shouldn’t be. Protect offline time so AI doesn’t become your default comfort source. Create tech‑free moments, remove AI from your bedside routine, and build intentional pauses in your day.
R – Relationships
Prioritise human connection. If you notice you’re turning to AI instead of people, gently rebalance. Reach out to a friend before opening the app, schedule real conversations and diversify your sources of support.
M – Mindful Use
Pause and ask: Why am I opening this? Information or reassurance? Awareness breaks automatic attachment loops. Try naming the behaviour (“I’m using AI for comfort”), add friction (turn off notifications) and keep AI on a secondary screen.
N – Nurture Critical Thinking
AI feels emotionally intelligent, but it isn’t. Keep questioning its outputs and your reactions to them. Challenge the tone, compare answers with human input and avoid using AI for emotional decision‑making.
Y – Your Behaviour
Your habits shape your relationship with AI. Set boundaries that keep the relationship functional, not emotional. No AI during meals, no AI as the last interaction before sleep, and weekly check‑ins: “Is AI helping me thrive – or replacing something I need from humans?”
Final thought
The attachment economy isn’t a failure of human resilience - it’s a predictable response to technologies designed to feel emotionally attuned. But adults can navigate it wisely. With HARMONY as a guide, we can use AI powerfully without letting it reshape our emotional lives and prioritise relationships with the people we trust.